Quote of the Week 4/28/17

  • Julian Diaz
  • April 28, 2017
  • “Its better to wear out than rust out”-David J. Schwartz This quote stood out to me on my flight into Vegas for several reasons.  Too often I hear people tell me how badly they want to see a place or experience  something, only to immediately follow it with all of their best excuses. I am […]

    “Its better to wear out than rust out”-David J. Schwartz

    This quote stood out to me on my flight into Vegas for several reasons.  Too often I hear people tell me how badly they want to see a place or experience  something, only to immediately follow it with all of their best excuses.

    I am certainly leaning on the worn out side at the moment.  When I booked this flight I was working early mornings and had expected to travel to the airport the night before for a good night’s sleep and a 7 A.M. departure.   Things changed,  as things often do and I found myself working to midnight,  driving four hours to the airport and hopping two flights with absolutely no sleep.

    I knew of this change about two weeks ago and I’m certain most people would have cancelled the trip all together.   If I had, I wonder how long and how many more excuses it would take to get back here… on a final decent into Las Vegas!

    Stay tuned for how it goes and please comment back what this quote brings to mind for you in this moment.

    Work Ethic, Where is it Learned?

  • Julian Diaz
  • Tagged <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/children/" rel="tag">children</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/discipline/" rel="tag">discipline</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/expectations/" rel="tag">expectations</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/kids/" rel="tag">kids</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/lazy/" rel="tag">lazy</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/parenting/" rel="tag">Parenting</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/responsibility/" rel="tag">responsibility</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/work/" rel="tag">work</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/work-ethic/" rel="tag">work ethic</a>
  • April 25, 2017
  • The magic of the moment is that I never had to ask for his help!

     

    I have often reflected on my past and wondered where I learned to work.  It seems simple and trivial, but then I look around when there is a task to be completed and I find myself in the minority of individuals that want to see it done and done right.  In my past I think the credit must go to my parents.  Though, they may not have been the most nurturing of paternal units the work they put in to provide for us was evident in the blood, sweat and tears that literally covered their faces and hands at times.

    This is a dilemma I struggle with now because my childhood is something I can’t and shouldn’t try to recreate for my kids today.  It is a different time in the world when everything is convenient and we are far better off financially then I was as a child.  People take for granted all the extra time they have today from simple conveniences like a washer and dryer.  These appliances did not become home staples until the 1950’s.  Given the history of humanity that was yesterday!  Forever before that it was hand washing in the sink if you had running water or down at the river if you didn’t.

    Work ethic and pride in one’s work20170424_185246 is something that I take very seriously and I have tried to pass down to my children.  For that reason, I am super transparent in the way I work.  Obviously, I can’t take them to work every day.  They have school and my line of work comes with some hazards LOL.  But, at home I let them see my frustration and exhaustion working on the dishwasher at 9 P.M. after a twelve-hour day and I take the time to explain my reasons for doing it.

    A conversation from under my dishwasher last Wednesday:

    Son: “Night Dad… why don’t you finish that tomorrow?”

    Dapper Barbarian: “If I let this project sit so that I can rest tonight something else will break or I’ll have another reason to put it off tomorrow and I won’t have time this week.”

    Son: “I won’t break anything else so you should be ok.” (Oh yea! I forgot to mention I had to fix the dishwasher because my son sat on the open door! Or, if you prefer his explanation he was knocked over by our dog, so part of his questioning was from guilt that he created the problem.)

    Literally the next morning CRACK! The a top drawer in our baking cabinet crashes down onto the bottom one and both rails are damaged. *Sigh* My wife and I made the Lowes trip and it took me a few days to get to the repairs.  As I was struggling to fit my shoulders into the cabinet, again after a long day at work, my 12-year-old turned off the Xbox and offered to help.  He spent the next hour busting his knuckles in that tight space with me and I shared how I measured the fit, etc.  The magic of the moment is that I never had to ask for his help!

    It’s for these small moments that I see my transparency with them and speaking to them as a fellow human instead of a lowly child as an investment.  In this case, I saw my investment returned in the form of a teaching event and I received much needed help.  It is one of the best feelings as a parent, isn’t it?

    Feel free to share your stories below or on Facebook.

    Children’s Boundaries, Where to Draw the Line?

  • Julian Diaz
  • Tagged <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/boundaries/" rel="tag">boundaries</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/children/" rel="tag">children</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/discipline/" rel="tag">discipline</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/expectations/" rel="tag">expectations</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/kids/" rel="tag">kids</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/parenting/" rel="tag">Parenting</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/strong-willed/" rel="tag">strong-willed</a>, <a href="https://www.thedapperbarbarian.com/tag/struggle/" rel="tag">struggle</a>4 Comments
  • April 23, 2017
  • I’m assuming if you are crawling the internet about boundaries you have a strong willed child at home. So, how exactly do we set up these boundaries?

    This topic is rather ironic at the moment as I set aside this Sunday morning for the purpose of establishing this blog.  I decided to get up at 6 A.M. so that I would have a few hours to myself before all of the family got up.  Now two hours into it, I have yet to accomplish anything because the dogs and cats have been fighting and woke up my daughter who wants to know everything that I’m doing.  LOL… sound familiar to any of you?

    Luckily the house does have some boundaries in place and things are starting to settle down for a few minutes.  What are boundaries and how do they help? I like the definition given by www.therapistaid.com that describes boundaries as the limits that you set on activities or relationships.  They help define what is acceptable or unacceptable in a relationship. 

    I’m assuming if you are crawling the internet about boundaries you have a strong willed child at home. So, how exactly do we set up these boundaries?  There is no step-by-step process as the true spirit of the issue is in defining the behavior, expectations and consequences.  For those of you that love lists:

    1. Define the problem/topic.
    2. Define your expectations.
    3. Define consequences.
    4. Ask your child to repeat the problem/topic, expectations and consequences to make sure they understand and have an opportunity to ask questions.

    This can be a challenge at first as it is with any change, but once it becomes consistent and routine you will be amazed at what your children will adjust to.  There are very firm boundaries that allow no room for discussion from children.  The other side of this are “free-range” parents that allow their children to essentially set their own rules.  (I pass no judgments as there is no perfect way to raise these heathens and I have met “free-range” parents who disagree with each other’s philosophies, let alone mine)

    I take a more balanced approach and find it is the best way to prepare my children to make their own decisions when I’m not there to make them.  If your raising a toddler right now and you think they will always come to you before making a decision I am afraid you are facing a very disappointing future.  That stage starts to die the day they go to Kindergarten.   The problem with setting boundaries in a totalitarian and rigid fashion is that you never allow your children to question the system and frankly sometimes the system is broke.  When I show up somewhere new and want to know why we are doing something I loathe hearing “because we’ve always done it this way”.  If that was the way we lived life we would all still be using out houses and burning witches at the stake.  So, when a child sees something that doesn’t make any sense they should feel safe in asking why.  If they don’t feel safe asking those questions it can lead to withdrawal and rebellion against a system that in their eyes makes no sense.  This is not to say that rigid boundaries don’t have their place.  An example of a rigid boundary in my house is on the use of drugs, underage drinking and turning in homework.  I have had these conversations with my kids and continue stressing them to my middle schooler, there is no budging on them.  The expectations and consequences are very clearly drawn, which gives them the consistency to make decisions from.

    In comparison having no boundaries at all can leave a child feeling insecure and lost.  Depending on their ages they simply lack the experience to deal with some of the choices that are presented to us daily.  There is no concept of future planning with the $3.00 they may have earned for chores and no perceived consequence to downing an entire bag of candy.  Where as we know that bag of candy will have us regretting life on a toilet in an hour and I might need that 3 bucks for a drink later.  But, these examples are perfect opportunities to allow them to make mistakes!  The beauty of allowing them to make some of the decisions is that you begin building that foundation of experience they lack in decision making before they leave your safety net at home.  Sooner or later that choice to down a bag of candy will be replaced with a keg stand…

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXwpZGqzs64&w=1280&h=720]

    (Dr. Craig Childress discusses the issue of parenting a strong willed child.)

    WARNING** be prepared to struggle at times when they don’t make the decision you had hoped.  Example, as I try to write this my 10 year old daughter interrupted me to ask permission to bake a mug muffin and pour some chocolate milk for breakfast.  She fancies herself a perfect little chef after watching a few you tube videos and TV contests.  I tell her yes with the boundaries of what she can use and how to clean up.  She just broke one of my shot glasses because she was using it to measure with!  Face-to-Palm…. But I love my kids and like every loving parent I want the best for them.  My mantra in these moments is a scene from the movie Wanted.  In that movie the main character Wesley faces the decision to become an assassin or go back to his daily job crunching spreadsheets.  He goes to work and looses it when he feels trapped by his cubicle and an over-weight, rude middle manager jams her grubby finger into his face about deadlines.  Those oppressed people that literally trade years of their life in for a small pension or hourly wage is not the future that I have in mind for my kids.  I want them to question rules, systems and themselves daily.  But, I want them to do it in a way that passes the common-sense test and has acceptable consequences.

    Update: The mug muffin I am told was a success, but I’m afraid to try it myself, the smell is not very inviting…

    Feel free to comment below with your current struggle and as a community perhaps we can offer assistance!

    To be Dapper Today, or to be Barbarian?

  • Julian Diaz
  • April 22, 2017
  • My hope for this platform is to become a discussion board for like minded individuals on the topics of Parenting, Travel, Finances, etc.

    The Dapper Barbarian is the brain child of many attempts at establishing a blog.  My interest has fallen short with all of my other attempts because they are too narrow in scope.  My hope for this platform is to become a discussion board for like minded individuals on the topics of Parenting, Travel, Finances, etc.  My goal is to give you usable information and motivation, but don’t get it twisted.  I am in as much need of help in this game of life as the next guy and look forward to the dialogue most of all.

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